Necessary, but Not Worth It.

Necessary, but not worth it. That is how I would describe the weekend of carb-loading, calorie-hogging, sugar-shoveling that has been done over the course of this weekend. What was initially intended as "one meal to indulge in something we've been craving," turned into a 2-3 day free-for-all that included, but was not limited to, Bratwurst and fish & chips at The Globe, breakfast at Mama's Boy, pizza from Little Italy, spicy jerk madness at Kelly's, an icecream cone the size of my head from Ben & Jerry's, sugary coffee indulgences at Walker's and Two Story, fresh baked cookies from Always Baked, and a grand finale of persecuted hashbrowns and plaid pancakes from Waffle House. GROSS. (But I must say, it was a fun tour of Athens foods. Chris had an old friend in town and we wanted to give the grand tour. I think we succeeded.)

Looking back, I can't even believe I did all that to my body. WHY. Chris said this morning, "I've disrespected my body," through a weary groan. I told him I felt like a walking cupcake. All of this terrible food has made us lie in post-Thanksgiving-dinner-comas grunting caveman-like sentences... something along the lines of, "grease... make... bad... full... hurt.... eat... no..."

It has been a weekend to remember, that's for sure. But honestly, I think we kept eating that terrible food because we were trying to find something. Trying to figure out why, strangely, nothing tasted as good as we'd remembered. When I sampled a lemon cookie at a downtown shop, I was like--ACK, too sweet! Too sweet! And I craved like, a handful of greens and some water to clean out my palate.

One crap-food after another and I hated it more and more. After the bite in my last post, it was all downhill from there. I didn't want anything I was eating! Well. The first bite of icecream and the "nugs" from Always Baked were pretty awesome. And okay, I'll forever love Kelly's. But honestly, the whole weekend I missed the fresh, clean feeling I got from eating tons of fresh veggies all day, and the satisfying sensation of a really well cooked roasted chicken or steak. This isn't the life I want, eating that way again. No going back.

Chris said it this morning. "I don't want to go back. Do you?" For a moment, I wasn't sure what "back" was. Atkins, or this? Honestly, Atkins feels like part of me now. It feels like where I belong. The strength and purity and balance I feel nowadays is what I want. It is the best thing I've ever done for myself, I think. So going back, I realized, meant going back to the old ways that we've relived this weekend. And I earnestly agreed with him--nope, I'm not going back.

I'm running a 5k this weekend, and starting my 10k training program today. Getting back on track and embracing it. Because seeing 188 on the scale was amazing. Doing pushups feels empowering. Running 3 miles for a good workout is insane. But if we hadn't taken this weekend to give into our mental desires and temptations, they would have continued to bombard our thoughts with doubt and sadness and the feeling of being left out, missing out. Now I know... it's all an illusion. It wasn't worth all the food and calories and awful feelings I had. But it was necessary, because I was losing drive and focus by feeling left out.

Here we go. Back on track. GO!