Slavery.

 I couldn't control myself. There I was with jelly beans in my hand, and they came up to my mouth against my will. In my mind, I knew I didn't want to eat them. I was screaming with my eyes, begging not to eat them. Suddenly, it was like I was a puppet in a body that was destroying itself. It was a blur of corn syrup and bright colors made of every form of sugar imaginable, all being shoveled into my mouth as if it wasn't actually poisoning every system of my body. I was crying, shaking, thrusting my head away from the food, fighting it. It was like the sugar climbed into my mouth completely and 100% against my will. I felt so guilty... I just wanted to make it at least a few days before screwing up this Atkins thing. I was so disappointed in myself, and I felt like I would never get control over it... Sugar owned me, I was its slave, and there was no turning back. I winced as another handful of frosting and jelly beans and bread and icecream made it's way up to my lips, my body shrieking with resentment...

And that's when I woke up.

Welcome to the weirdest, most surreal dream of my life. It was so real. The sting of the sugar stuck in my teeth, the tears in my eyes, the regret and frustration I had feeling like a slave to sugar. I woke up and just stared blankly with my eyes at nothing. I... hadn't really had sugar. I made it two whole days! Even when I was eating the healthiest ever, I still was having sugar. Raw honey, fruit, all that stuff. This is unlike anything I've ever made my body do with me.

You know how some people claim sugar is a real addiction? After having that dream... I would absolutely have to agree. Look how my subconscious feels about it! Writing out the details of that dream, I realized that perhaps that dream is a representation of my "Health" and how it feels as it succumbs to what I've done to it for the past two decades. Honestly, after such a traumatic experience, I don't know that I'll ever have sugar again. Anything other than naturally occurring, like in fruit, at least.


When I woke up this morning, I had a mind-splitting headache. Withdrawals? That's really scary. I did some research this morning and yup, headaches are often a symptom of cutting sugar out of your diet. WEIRD. STUFF. It makes me thankful I'm doing it, though. Chris assured me the first 2 days are the hardest, but the thing is, that man hardly ever has bread or sugar anyway. I read on one article and the comments below that many people struggle for two weeks. "What surprised me was that the second week was worse than the first," Connie Mixter commented on this article. UGH. Sooo not looking forward to THAT at all! But it will be worth it, I know it will.

Yesterday I was hardcore fighting the urge to succumb and eat some candy... there where Crunch eggs and Reese's eggs and Jolly Rancher jelly beans all at work for the taking!! I made myself drink a bunch of water, then ate dinner. After half of my serving, I was full and the candy didn't even look appealing. Granted as the night went on the temptation began to come back, but I felt like I was aware that it was something I could control. So crazy that I then dreamed about the sugar attack after that! I think it proves that I have/had more of a true mental/emotional addiction to sugar, not just a physical one.

I could end this post here, but I just have more on my mind. I'm going to post this crazy article I found on another blog the other day... just take a look at this...

Carbs Without Cause: 8 Foods Worse than White Bread
You know to avoid the pale sliced stuff, but what about these other processed offenders?

1. Fancy Coffee Drinks
Not only can these have as many calories as a meal, (sometimes upwards of 400) their carb count can be on par with a pre-marathon pasta binge; some have 60–80g of carbs per serving. Add in sugars, saturated fats in whipped cream, and chocolate flavorings, and you’ve got dessert in a very large plastic cup.

2. Bagels
Bagels are a morning ritual for some, but according to Villacorta, unless you’re hitting the gym right after (and plan on staying until lunch), you may want to rethink, even if you opt for whole wheat. “Depending on the size, I normally recommend a bagel to someone who is going on a two- to three-hour run afterwards,” he says. The reason is portion size. Many deli bagels can have 250-300 calories and more than 50g of carbs each.

3. Juice Drinks and Smoothies
Smoothie and juice spots are everywhere, and they can seem like a healthy drink to get on the go. But a 16oz fruit-heavy juice can have as many as 75g of carbohydrates and 64g of sugar (ditto for smoothies). If you can’t start the day without juice, stick to about 4oz, which has a reasonable 15-20g of carbs.

4. Cheese Crackers
If you’re going to indulge in a few processed carbs, don’t do it here. While the carb count isn’t necessarily through the roof (about 18g per serving), these orange snacks are particularly cringe inducing because there is literally no other redeeming nutritional factor. They’re full of chemicals, additives, and artificial colors, plus they may also contain high-fructose corn syrup. And don’t be fooled by organic versions. They may be filled with less artificial junk, but processed flour and high-fat cheese can still be “organic.”

5. Baked Goods at Coffee Shops
Muffins used to be a baseball-sized treat. Now they’re more like softballs, with some containing nearly 64g of carbs and more than 30g of sugar. If your morning muffin is made with processed flour, sugar, and butter, it’s really no different than a slice of cake. Stick to a two-ounce serving and choose whole grain ingredients—think bran, not lemon poppy.

6. Yogurt with Fruit on the Bottom
It’s the ultimate chick pre-workout/afternoon/late-night snack, and yogurt on its own is a great choice. Problem is, that fruit is sugar central. All yogurt contains lactose, which is a naturally occurring carbohydrate; generally in a single serving it equals about 12-15g of carbs, which is fine, but when you add the jammy fruit you can nearly double that amount. You end up with nearly 30g of carbs, half of which is the processed, quick-burning kind. Stick to the creamy (and protein-packed) Greek variety and add some cut-up fresh fruit.

7. Movie Theater Popcorn
It may seem obvious, given the size, but for many of us it’s a key part of the movie-going experience, and besides, even if you order a bag once a week, how bad can that be? According to Villacorta, very. Popcorn is already about 1,200 calories, almost all from carbohydrates (and a whopping 580mg of sodium) for a large-sized bag. That’s before you add the butter. Don’t waste an entire day’s worth carbs and calories while you mindlessly munch your way through The Hunger Games.

8. Yogurt-Covered Raisins
Essentially candy for health-food nuts, and who eats just one—or five? In fact, a scant ¼ cup contains 20g of carbs and 19g of sugar. Skip the bulk candy aisle at your health food store and pick up a small bar of dark chocolate instead. [Extracted from SHAPE.COM]

Guys. Those are literally ALL of my vices. Well, were. ;) I can't believe it... EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Even white bread! Ha. They're all terrible for you. Which I guess is obvious, but on my broke-girl's budget, those are almost all things that always end up in my cart when I'm just grabbing some easy-to-eat foods, without thinking about it. Jeeeez.

I want to swear all of those things off forever, along with:

this is not food, ya'll...

• Ramen Noodles
• Fruit Juice (the creepy sugar kind that isn't even refrigerated. Yeesh)
• Soda (unless it's natural cane sugar... I'll drink that as a splurge every twelve years. That stuff is TAAAASTY)
• Really any sort of pasta that comes with a seasoning packet or foil bag of cheese... Last time I ate that, I was sick for two days. Okay, so maybe I'm becoming a total snob. Bite me, because I couldn't give less of a hoot. I've been overweight and unhealthy nearly my entire LIFE. So, I'm not apologizing for being snooty. *Okay, you can have your soapbox back, thanks.* 

Really I just want to ensure I never, ever, ever, ever eat Ramen again. (Or peeps. Ha.) I just literally despise my soul when I consume those things.

I would eagerly suggest that if you're reading this right now, you seriously consider hopping on the anti-sugar bandwagon with me. Don't worry, you don't have to cut it out completely... just try and consciously not eat it. Focus on fresh, naturally occurring sugars, and you'll already be so much better off. But if you DO decide to knock out sugar completely for a while, give me a call. We'll get together and share a bowl of raw greens and talk about how much they suck, but how happy we are that we're eating them (even if it's with plastic grins on our faces). I'm still waiting to LOVE the taste of raw veggies with nothing on them. It will come, it will come, it will come. I have to keep telling myself that, or I'll never get anywhere... hey, better to be honest with myself!

Peace be with you, brothas and sistas. :)