these are the skeptical words from a certain young man named Marlon, an acquaintance with whom i shared a conversation about The Next Five Months (the affectionate term for "i'm losing a bunch of weight and changing my life). i told him how i'm a vegetarian and then talked about how i'm overweight, etc, and he replied what you see above. "how long have you been doing that?" he questioned. "oh, well, not long," i admitted, "just about two months now, i think." which gives me a little boost of confidence that shall i continue on this path of eating closely to that which the earth has provided for me, i will indeed see a slimmer, more healthful ellie glancing back at me in the looking glass.
as for the exercise portion of my thought processes this morning, well, today it began. are you gonna kiss me or not? are we gonna do this or what?? were the words that greeted me this morning via the phone on my alarm, the serenade of Thompson Square, a country band. Yes, we are gonna do this, i thought as i stretched awake and glanced at my window, blinds open and the sheer white curtains delicately separating me from the daylight that was just beginning to open it's own sleepy eyes itself. the clock read 6:10, and that meant it was time to get movin', so i could catch the sunrise in my walk. Oasics on, water bottle in hand, and the new O.A.R. album accompanying my ears, i set off for the next 50 minutes on a walk that led me down Riverbend, and all the way down to Lakeside (6:30-7:20am). i was so moved by the perfection of the lyrics that played sweetly to the timing of the sun rising. one of my favorite lines was as such: "i'm taking on the world today... it helps to be a little crazy." it just reminded me that yes, in this culture, it is considered crazy to do things like get up for a walk at sunrise, to stop eating meat and fried food and processed sugars for the cause of a more healthful being, and the list goes on. it's just like dave ramsey says, "If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else." It's so true. yeah, it may look a little crazy to you--but it helps to be a little "overly ambitious." I can do anything. I believe it.
"when you change yourself, the world around you changes instantly." this was another line, spoken by russel simmons, on the first track on O.A.R.'s album King. and it speaks for itself.
"don't look back,... a million different people will break the same way." this line just reminds me that what i'm doing isn't just unpopular because it's weird, it's because it is hard. i can't let myself look back, turn around, get bogged down or terrified because a million other people have started a weight loss regime and been broken that very same way, by looking back, seeing what they think they're "missing," or determining it's too hard. or, really, not looking or determining anything--the biggest enemy in the weight loss world i think is when you just stop thinking about it, when you give up without even giving a fight. that's my hypothesis anyway. the thing is,
if losing weight was easy, everybody would be thin.
if being healthy was easy, everybody would be in great shape.
if swimming was easy, everybody would do it.
if running was easy, we'd all be fit.
that's not real life. running's a bitch, so is a lot of the lifestyle i'm taking on. but it's gonna be so damn worth it that i honestly don't care who tries to discourage me--for the most part, everybody's going to encourage me, it's my own voice that's going to be the hardest voice not to listen to.
things i'm looking forward to:
1. seeing that scale at 199. that's gonna feel so powerfully good.
2. no longer having a bulgey belly, when everything smooths out and is more flat, esp. my lower abdomen. this may take a while, because that's where the majority of my fat lies on my body, i think. but it will be a day to celebrate.
3. having to buy new jeans in a smaller size.
4. that feeling when everybody starts noticing you look better, but they don't realize it's attributed to weight loss (at least, they don't say it). the day everyone starts saying, "Wow! You've lost weight!" is gonna be an awkward day, haha, i'm not sure how i feel about it. they're pretty much saying, "Wow! Once upon a time you were less attractive and exuded unhealthy appearances! And now you are easier on the eye!" ...I should really stop reading into things so much. Ha.
time to finish the last of the unpacking, and get to the errands today. love.
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