hindrance.

i'm not really sure what's going on within my own brain lately. i suppose it's just the crazy hormonalness that comes along with being a female, and twenty, and being on your own, and the first weeks of school. i guess. i just haven't felt AWESOME in a few days. which is weird, since yesterday was my birthday. i think it was just too much pressure and attention. contrary to popular belief, i'm fairly certain i'm an introvert. yeah, i'm bubbly, i'm friendly, i project vocally and i love people--but i don't love being in crowds, or loud parties, or having a million half-friends. i prefer one-on-one, chill parties of friends reconnecting, or playing acoustic guitar and eating muffins, and treasuring the few people who i've kept close to me for years, or who are finding themselves in that place.

so maybe it was just an overly populated weekend that exhausted my senses. or maybe it was the lack of physical activity since tuesday. maybe it's just that girly time of the month that always turns women into mental zombies of their regular status. whatever it is, i'm not feeling the high-like experience i'd anticipated of Being Twenty. nothing is really different, and this is the first birthday i've EVER felt that way.

i think i'm just too distracted by the ten thousand other goals and ideas rolling around on my plate to stop and get philosophical about anything deep and profound. so much reading for classes, and homework, and trying to work out, and eat right, and keep up friendships, and keep the apartment clean, and just everything in life. even sleeping enough has become a new thing i'm trying to do.

since when does living life have to be something on my to do list?

it's just agitating to feel like i can't take a single step without making sure it's to be crossed off a list. and that kind of living leads to extremism, which is kinda like why i end up on my various social networking sites all hours of the night, rather than doing homework or blogging something meaningful here or SLEEPING--it's not a lifestyle maintainable.

food has been an issue lately; i don't know when to eat. i know i should be eating all day, but i'm specifically referring to eating dinner. i can't eat dinner before my workout, but since i'm working out ~2-3 hours on average, that means sometimes i'm not back at my dorm for dinner til 8-9pm at the earliest. and you're not even supposed to eat after that point. so i feel weird. i'm sweaty, hot, exhausted, and so hungry, with no motivation. so i eat things like edemame and apricots and almonds and some crackers and cheese--a snacky dinner of a meal.

i had a wonderful post mulling in my brain today as i went grocery shopping, and as i was working out, but i think i need to wait and see if the good stories can sift through a filter tonight as i sleep, to see if i can detox this tired negativity and watch the valuable stories seep through into a pool of thought.

goodnight world.

things i want to blog about later/next time.
1. Grocery Shopping
a."This is so embarrassing, this is a stupid question."
b. Andrew Saves the Day
c. grocery shopping with a list

2. Ramsey
a. restorative yoga
b. Jon
c. "Pinching."
d. Katie C.
e. Endurance