a scatterbrained update.

so my brain has been a lot of places recently, and amidst the chaos of young twenty-something life, i haven't taken the time to write in a few days. i've had a few reasons, and maybe perhaps the biggest thing is that i wasn't sure what words i wanted to say, and when i get that way, well, that's where most of my inspired stories and creations of literary worlds meet their untimely and tragic demise.

nevertheless, thenextfivemonths project lives on. by the way, as september approaches, there's a large part of me that is contemplating what to call this project. i mean, Ben Davis has Do Life. and even my dear Rachel has Rachel Reports Life. I really like their focus on LIFE. it's not about a diet, it's not about "seeing that number on a scale" or anything like that. it's about recreation, wholeness, wellness. something tells me the answer to this question is write in from of me, but so far, i feel blind. "the next five months" was originally a blog between me and my dad, for him to track my progress, so i didn't have to call him everyday. ha. it's turning into something larger, something bigger than myself (the feedback i'm beginning to hear is really surprising me, and it's humbling and comforting all at once).

so i'm up for suggestions, ideas, inspirations. :)

i just got back from the gym. i'm happy--ecstatic, really--to report that this week has been more stable and progressive than last week's roller coaster days of eating grease, getting sick, and then taking off most of the week from working out. yesterday was my long day, but instead of taking off to eat whatever i wanted, i was very particular about eating well. i didn't work out, since i hear it's good to have a day for muscle healing anyway, and instead, i had a girl date with my best friend and roommate Alyson. call it a mental health workout. holistic health is the goal. :)

i made homemade hummus (from the Moosewood recipe book Alyson gave me for my birthday!) and chopped a plethora of fresh veggies for our consumption as we vegged out (pun intended, haha) on the couch and watched Eat, Pray, Love.

Eat, Pray, Love, the true, real life novel by Elizabeth Gilbert has a very special place in the hearts of both myself and Alyson, and it got us both through some really hard times. it was really powerful watching it together last night, now that we're both in such different, better, stronger places. we have such new problems, worries, mountains to surmount. and we've got each other to get there. friendship is a powerful motivator.


i also made roasted green beans the other day... and well, so i misread "sliced onions" and chopped them finely... oh, and i guess they just wanted me to stick the cloves of garlic on the tray and let the flavors just fuse into the green beans. oh well, i like garlic, so it's ok that i just chopped them and added them in. so my green beans had a LOT of garlic and onions (good thing this was for personal nommage, and not a date... yikes!), but they were delicious. :)

oh and for those curious, i'm now taking two fish oil pills a day and a Women's One-a-Day, per suggestion by Dr. Sanville. we'll see how that goes. so far, fish oil seems to make me gassy. i think a lot of things make me gassy. haha.

so everything's going well. i'm finally seeing the number on the scale drop, alongside with my body feeling a little, teeny bit stronger when i finish a workout. i know the number isn't the goal, but after seeing the number go UP after a week, it was a wake up call. sorry, but numbers are sometimes (often) a good indicator of how you're doing and what needs to change. i think within a week i'll be getting a pedicure. ;)

a closing thought: i hate advertisements. i hate fake weight loss. i hate surgery, diet pills, Special K cereal, and all the other B.S. that's out there making us wonder why we aren't skinny and sexy. i completely despise 100 calorie cookie portions, and "TRANS-FAT-FREE!" stickers, and sugar replacements, and the fact that you can't even get free water at the Bulldog Cafe anymore. it will never cease to blow my mind how popular unhealthy living is. particularly, fake-healthy unhealthy living. i've said it before, i say it about a lot, a LOT of things, and i'll say it again: NOTHING IS FREE.

weight loss isn't free. i read something recently that said, "if you eat the way you always ate, you'll weigh what you always weighed." the sad thing is, it's not true. no, you'll get fatter. and weaker. and sicker. but i see what it was saying, it has a great point. the next five months is about changing my life. (and i think i might see a direction of the new blog just above this paragraph in all caps... and no it's not about trans fat haha... hmmmm)

i love you all. special shoutouts to Sandra Godina and Taylor Lavelle for your kind words and enthusiastic support. your love feels kinda like this. seriously, you (all of you) have no idea how much ya'll backing me up makes this something i really believe i can do. thank you.